Third Quarter 2004 Adult Sabbath School Lessons:
"Religion in Relationships"

Insights to Lesson 5:
Friendship
July 31-August 6

(Produced by the Editorial Board of the 1888 Message Study Committee)

This week’s Sabbath School lesson is about friendship — What is a friend? How do we learn to be a friend? What is the difference between a friend and a mere acquaintance? Why are some people referred to as "bad" friends? What makes the difference between a "good" friend and a "bad" one?

And two significant questions from the Quarterly: "What is the basic principle behind true friendship?" and "What must be experienced in our hearts in order to be a true friend?"

Webster’s defines "friend" as: "one attached to another by affection or esteem; one that is not hostile; a favored companion."

With this working definition, we can easily see that someone whom we trust and with whom we favor companionship might also be someone who would lead us to do things that are not necessarily healthy for us spiritually or physically. Our trust and confidence in this friend might be misplaced. The prodigal son had many "friends" who reveled with him while he had plenty of money, but soon left him when it was all spent. Through his cunning, the unjust steward made convenient friendships that would serve him well when his offended master cast him out, but these could not necessarily be considered "true" friends.

On the other hand we have the witness of Jonathan and David. A true friendship if ever one existed; a friendship that extended even past the death of one of them. Jonathan loved David, "even unto death." After Jonathan died, David continued to express his love for Jonathan by caring for Mephibosheth as if he were his own son.

However, even this was not the fullest demonstration of friendship. Jesus told His disciples that He was going to "lay down His life" for His friends.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a Man lay down His life for His friends." (John 15:13).

These words were spoken as Jesus walked with the eleven on His way to Gethsemane. Was Jesus speaking only about His closest disciples, or did He have a broader idea in mind when He used the term "friend"?

Webster’s said that a friend is "one attached to another by affection or esteem; one that is not hostile." God has the highest esteem for His people; it is demonstrated in the fact that He gave us His only Son to redeem us from sin (Matt. 1:21). While we were His "enemies" God sent His Son to pay the ransom price for the lost race (Rom. 5:6-19). What greater display of friendship can we find than this? He considered the entire race of Adam as His friends in dire need of His power to save us. Our God is a loving God who is not in any manner hostile to His creatures. Agape is devoid of all hostility or animosity toward anyone.

The affection of God for His people is shown in the fact that Christ took upon Himself our fallen nature, bringing Him closer to us than even our earthly father or mother or sibling. "So the work of redeeming us and our inheritance, lost through sin, fell upon Him who is ‘near of kin’ unto us. It was to redeem us that He became our kinsman. Closer than father, mother, brother, friend, or lover is the Lord our Saviour." (Desire of Ages, p. 327). This bond of affection can not be broken by anything, except our rejection of Him. We may break the bond, but even then, He loves us still as one more precious to Him than His own life.

"He was made flesh; He was made to be sin. He was made flesh as flesh is, and only as flesh is in this world; and was made to be sin only as sin is. And this must He do to redeem lost mankind. For Him to be separated a single degree, or a shadow of a single degree, in any sense, from the nature of those whom He came to redeem, would be only to miss everything."(A.T. Jones; Consecrated Way p. 34).

In his letter to the Philippians (2:5-8), Paul vividly paints the image of this seven-fold "stepping down." As our Friend, Jesus willingly left His position at the right hand of God, took upon Himself our fallen nature, and then delivered that decrepit, irredeemable nature to the cross where He died the equivalent of every man’s second death. Consideration of this profound condescension on the part of our high and exalted God, should bring us to our knees in humility and thankfulness.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a Man lay down His life for His friends."

To return to our original questions: "What is the basic principle behind true friendship?" and "What must be experienced in our hearts in order to be a true friend?"

From the verses looked at above, we see that Jesus demonstrated that unconditional love (agape) is the root of true friendship. Concomitant with this we find a solidarity with the individual we call our friend — a corporate association that empowers us to identify with that person’s problems, pain, spiritual struggles, as well as the joys of life. Through corporate identification we learn to see our friend’s problems as our own. We learn to love the person in spite of their foibles and unsavory characteristics, understanding that from God’s perspective, by nature we individually are no better than the worst criminal on earth. We must remember that spiritually we’re all in the same destitute and desperate condition (Rev. 3:17). Pride of position, power, education, or spiritual attainment can not survive when we keep this foremost in our mind.

Jesus is our model for every thing we do. But, how can we demonstrate this kind of selfless love? When we lay aside all pretension and sophistry, unbelief and carelessness, practical godliness will shine forth from us as Jesus is manifested in our lives. Christ-like characteristics such as forbearance, tender love and pity, showing mercy and compassion for those around us, and sharing the burdens and griefs of our fellow pilgrims will become the authentication that we are truly a friend of the Master. Instead of preaching, we will be teaching faith by precept and example, thus helping others to comprehend the depths of Christ’s love.

This can only be accomplished through steadfast faith in Him who alone deserves our attention and affection. "We are wanting in simple faith; we need to learn the art of trusting our very best friend. Although we see Him not, Jesus is watching over us with tender compassion; and He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities . . . Do not defer this matter, but begin here in this Conference to fix your minds more firmly upon Jesus and heavenly things, remembering that by beholding we become changed into the same image." (RH June 10, 1884). "Walk with Jesus, talk with Jesus, and then you will have light and comfort and love from your best friend. Oh, it is such a privilege." (Ellen G. White, MSR vol. 7, p. 391).

—Ann Walper

Read the study notes for lesson 6